“If I Give You a Straw, Will You Suck the Fun Out of Someone Else’s Day?” Hat — Shade You Can Wear

For those days when your tolerance is low but your standards are high, this hat says exactly what you’re thinking — so you don’t have to waste the energy.

The DSM5TR “If I Give You a Straw…” hat is a wearable eye-roll stitched into clean, bold type. Perfect for dodging small talk, deflecting bad vibes, and staying cool (literally and emotionally), this hat’s got shade built in — both figuratively and functionally.

🖤 Embroidered quote design — clear, crisp, impossible to misread
🧢 Classic dad hat fit or snapback style — pick your petty
💨 Breathable, adjustable, attitude-friendly
🇺🇸 Designed in the USA — for the land of the free and the home of the sarcastic
🔥 Limited edition — because not everyone deserves this level of sass

Perfect for:

Office happy hours, uninvited conversations, and every Monday

Sarcastic extroverts and introverts with style

Gifting to someone who’s over it (but fashionably so)

This isn’t just a hat — it’s emotional armor with a curved brim.

DSM5TR — because life’s too short to stay quiet.

Snag yours before someone else sucks all the fun out of stock.

Dad hats aren't just for dads. This one's got a low profile with an adjustable strap and curved visor.

• 100% chino cotton twill
• Green Camo color is 35% chino cotton twill, 65% polyester
• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile
• 6 embroidered eyelets
• 3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown
• Adjustable strap with antique buckle
• Blank product sourced from Vietnam or Bangladesh

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!